24 Aug Moving In Together: A Complete Guide
Thinking about moving in together? Here is our best shot at giving you all the pertinent information we can to help you decide and make the process a successful one. Keep in mind I feel we have chosen to test ourselves as a couple more than most would want to. We moved in together while in New York and underwent a massive renovation of our basement. Following the start of Nestrs LLC, we decided to sell our home, buy a camper, and trek across the country to find our new home. After settling here in Columbus, Ohio, we’ve now moved three times in 2 years… I’d like to think we’re really good at ‘moving in together.’
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How to Know You’re Ready
I can’t honestly recall what Nick and I had to say to each other for us to believe we were ready to move in together. What I know now is that it merely takes a complete commitment just to go all in. There can’t be any reservations. Being decisive and confident is how I like to function. Once the commitment is made, from there on, it’s how you choose to make it work continually. For the most part, this is pretty much how I function with most of my relationships, personal and business.
How much time do you honestly spend together? Is this time together diverse? When you’re living with someone, you get to experience their full scope of emotions and circumstances. This relationship requires you to care and contribute more energy. We all have our faults and to have unwavering support no matter what is the trump card to resolving anything.
Traveling is a great way to grow as a couple. You encounter people and scenarios that test you both. This causes you to work together and share experiences that others will never understand. It doesn’t have to be an overseas trip or a long one. Stay with us in Columbus for a short getaway weekend at one of our Airbnbs. We’re the best hosts, we promise!
This is probably the trickiest category to talk about. Everyone’s relationships are different. Some choose to have their money separate and others together. Regardless, agreeing to the expenses you both will share is an excellent first step.
Moving Past Problems
If you keep score, then you both lose. I’m a firm believer that you will always find what you’re focusing on. If you’re focusing on problems, then you will continue to find more. Stagnation in our relationship is never good. We like to move and make progress. Nick and I are continually listening to books, podcasts, and more to help better ourselves. Continually learning is our most excellent tool to keep us on the right track.
Planning for the Future
For us, talking about the future was always something we enjoyed. It’s good to have an idea of where you are going and what you can expect. This can range from, “Whose family are we going to visit for each holiday?” All the way to, “Where would you like to live eventually?” Once you both know what you want out of the future and share a few key goals, you can start working towards them.
Let’s be real! Is making a budget the hardest thing or sticking to it? While Nick and Myself both had jobs in New York, we both made good money. We enjoyed ourselves, we saved money, and things were good. Now that we run a business together, one with a lot of uncertainty, we plan for that uncertainty, and it requires us to budget. Having financial goals is excellent and rarely are both of you sticking to the plan as close as you think you are. We have grown into better budgeters!
Nobody loves chores. When you talk about dividing and assigning chores, it can feel like you’re back in elementary school. The goal of assigning chores is to avoid fights. If you both sit down and agree to your responsibilities, nothing gets left to become a point of contention. Nick and I have changed our responsibilities more than a few times. We realized that there are just seasons of life where certain things might just send you over the edge, while others help you relax and process.
Depending on where you were in life before you decided to move in together, you may have had time to acquire some things of your own. This is where having a night or two of wine and pizza could be a good idea as you both go through things together to decide what is going to make the cut. If you have the opportunity to do this before you bring all your stuff into the new shared space, it works best. The goal here is to downsize. Donate all duplicates, decide what just trash is and what may need to be put in storage for the meantime. Have a good time with it, and realize there may be some things that don’t seem significant to you, but they can hold more significance than you realize. This is just another chance to learn a little more about each other.
As you may know, decorating is my area of expertise. However, back when we moved in together I had about as much of a leg to stand on as most ladies do when trying to explain why ‘this style’ works best. Believe it or not Nick has some real decorating taste when that is all he has to focus on.
One thing I can tell you is that our decor taste has changed over the years. One bit of advice that I would contribute is to hold off on making expensive decor purchases. Obviously there is no avoiding a trip to Target or Ikea for a little of this and that to make things look presentable. I can totally agree with that. The key would be to not add the financial stress of large purchases to an event that is notoriously a little strenuous. Give yourselves time and decide if this space your living in could be a longer term home that could warrant some upgrades.
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Allotting Alone Time
Each couple is different, and alone time can vary quite a bit. Everyone has their bad days, bad moments, and times when they’re a little sick of their spouse. Set aside some time for you to focus on you. For me, I enjoy working out. Right now, Crossfit is my happy place. It helps me vent any stress from the day and not carry it home. Sometimes it’s easy to let your’ me time’ slide, and it will eventually catch up with you.
Moving in together is a huge step! The foundation of a relationship lies in the absolute commitment. If you’re in it together, then the only way forward is to figure out what works. Throughout this process of moving in together, you’re going to have the opportunity to learn more about your partner. As long as you continue to grow through these times in your life together, you will learn to lean on each other through the rough patches. Even though your spouse may have their ‘special traits,’ there is nothing better than having someone in your corner regardless of what happens!
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